PTSD

It wasn't that I was gullible
Yes it was
The phone woke me up on my day off
But I was actually feeling pretty good
I had my doubts when a man came on the phone with a broken English accent
But I wanted to play along
Mistake
Maybe I should have taken my morning meds
As I talked to him I went further down the rabbit hole...
16 months before my computer crashed and burned after visiting a porn site
Screen flashing like an epileptic fit with warnings of FBI involvement
No way of turning off the computer.  I bought their security system
$1,000 for a 3 year contract
Giving them full access to my computer
Over the next year they gave me dire warnings of a trojan virus
Promising more complete protection for another $1,000
I said no.  I wasn't gullible.
Yes I was
Nothing from them for months
Then a few days ago
The phone woke me up on my day off
I answered the phone
Mistake
It wasn't that I was gullible
Yes it was
Thinking I could navigate my way out of the rabbit hole
He was going to refund me my $1,000
Their company was shut down by the government because it was unsafe
They had taken out a loan from a credit card company for $3,000 because they had no money
Said I had to make an arrangement with their loan company to put $3,000 in my checking account
Then I would reimburse them the $2,000 which they would use to pay back their lender
Once again I gave them full access to my computer
It wasn't that I was gullible
Yes it was
They navigated me into my Chase account
And put $3,000 in my checking account
Then they said I needed to repay them
If I had doubts before, now it seemed legit
They wanted me to repay them with $2,000 in Apple gift cards
Made me drive to the nearest Apple store, which I couldn't find
I found Best Buy
I went in twice to pay with my credit card
It was rejected the first time and went through the second time
I gave permission every step of the way
Four $500 gift cards.  I checked the balance on each
Every step of the way in spite of warnings
Back in my car, he had me scratch off the numbers for each and read them over the phone
Drove home
Got another call from him.  He seemed frantic.
Only one of your $500 cards went through
You must get us the remaining $1,500
He made me go out to the Apple Store, which I finally found
I tried twice, but they wouldn't let the transaction go through
The man was getting frantic again.  You owe us this money
I started to pray
Then a friend called.  She could tell I was completely panicked, so I told her what was happening
She said it's a scam.  Don't answer the call.
She saved me from giving another $1,500 in gift cards
Had me drive to a Chase bank she trusted and met me there
I talked to the bank manager and he checked my online account balance
The $4,500 more I thought was in the account was not there
By taking complete control of my computer, they could pump up my balance
So now I have a $2,000 credit card bill I will have to pay
Because I approved the purchase with Best Buy and my credit card company
Filled out an FBI scam report
I remember my dad  being scammed.
The same one who sexually abused me
I am my father's son
seismic to my core
Funny how scams and abuse go hand in hand
No it isn't

Denis Streeter    8/22/19

a sucession of preaches

rising sun in single pour
it's not much to be
when the oasis is growing
it doesn't bother the molecules
they create more than expected
they fly when they moon, glow when they cheep
the matter of flying. that's a hat. flying the cataract
each side tests the other
finding stats over counters
don't matter
a toothpull away and less centered
picky with cross buns roasted with cream
none in the bowl just an almond of bee
don't mind the pee
nor what cats do at night
flushing holes for feed, beasts for trees
lads take up the staff.  the holes ain't trying
when laughter takes to the cleaners
one hole after the next.  there's none for buying
some dress rehearsal.  a spy in the making
reading writes each rong
a sucession of preaches
circles sideways under the mirror
it's time to go but you don't know
always better to dress than to feed
a bowl of silence shadows sideways
no noon explosion.  the dark still shining
an oboe elbows away
dreaming and whying and crying
sounding like dying the kindle removed
no sense in trying the spindle optical
wandering circles in tricycles
sheds know better but you don't
a piece of the pie is all you want
i'm not bitter.  just optical.
some specialty of god created asshole
though not meant that way.  the way it's written
is some specialty furnace.  some funhouse
a counterpoe wake away
a countermeasure
one by one bits type off
a lesson in ending
words fade off
lights flicker to shade
disappears without a sound.

denis streeter    7/31/19

how do you turn over what's already there

the opposite of box is knocks

rhymes gender neutral

sow bats clones and cycles

no setting of agenda

diary past coming to life

marshmallow wake

feet first grave ride

sunny set aside

auspicious mellow, but not without order

a double negative figures it out

not fondly

rabbit chicken stew

no difference

a farmward past go

pure armeggedden

wait watching
something turned round

wronging the rights

hands around the waist

this is what it's like 

ground feeling in place
leaves toes wake
wandercide 

how do you turn over what's already there

denis streeter      6/6/19

satellite chapel

a kerilian of tea
that's what they got
with powdered lamb and lemon gray
don't know where the plant's been
in rome i guess
where they yelm for gold.  shell for clams.  reed for water
that is, after the stay stand
a little block of water for small labor
as long as they stay within limits
and draw a long ball down center field
the coming team must pay
and the turnips are grape
never know when tulips poison ivy
there's sand in the treads of water
no shimmer lad, no carving tools
they're out of shape and ill spent
just ride the poison  sand
stand in your shoes
you can't hide over there
in chocolate cream
moving to sundae
an earthquake mind
is pleasing but not seismic
riding a toe
a broom stick  remover
a romp on the bench
hide the pillow
there's nothing in the sand
your ego wanders. eggs on your sleeve
hermit chapel
where crabs go pray
good hunting
extra luster cleans the pan
forgive the gold fattened.  he's forgot to bathe
the batheing simple.  over the deck
where desks hide and freedom chapels
under the pine.  it's a bit messy
these bones and hose.  so much to do
capture an elbow nose
where it goes.  each hand goes clapper
the sages dumb
don't know the ages
i know it's pine
sentenced ears
it's a trainwreck
washing windows to snub your nose
and the tickets railing
one psalm at a time
let me check in that hand
a kerilian of tea
seismic scrapers
with powdered lamb and lemon gray
that's what they've got

denis streeter    5/18/19

may day

i felt sick inside
realizing the next feature poet is another award winner
that i probably won't care about
lately i hardly care for anyone's open mike poetry
i care about mine a little more, but not much
i rarely return to my poem the next day
the next may be better
you don't need to appreciate my writing.  just listen
i hate it when someone reads their poem
as if their words should speak for themselves
no they shouldn't
if you're going to read at open mike
you'd better choose something that reads aloud well
my poems may not make sense, but they read aloud well
that's what i care about
please at least entertain me for 5 minutes or less
though sometimes 2 is too much
let me care about what you write
show me you.  it's more likely to resonate
otherwise just jesus god shut the fuck up
yes i'm cranky
give me a chance to smile or nod in recognition
don't try to impress me.  i hate that
don't read something that makes me feel stupid
for not realizing your poetic nuances
i don't care.  i've already tuned out.
please don't make me feel sick inside
i want to like your poetry
give me a reason
something i can relate to
make me laugh
open mike me
i want to care
i want to feel

denis streeter    5/1/19

trumpet lessons

an older customer came through my line
probably mid 80's
so i asked if he had a husky card or alumni card
he said he was alumni but didn't have his card
i said maybe i can look it up by name
he gave his name as walter cole
i said that name sounds familiar
are you in music
yes
did you teach
yes, mostly brass
i think you were my trumpet teacher
do you know roy cummings
yes
he was also my trumpet teacher
what about...hmm...let me think...
walter welke
yes
he was my first trumpet teacher
do your remember music west
yes
i used to take trumpet lessons upstairs just above music west
that was on about 56th and university way
right next door to crucible books
where i used to look through the porn magazines before trumpet practice
long long gone
i told him about how i'd go to walter welke's place for trumpet lessons
i pulled open the curtain, there he was
asleep in his chair
he was always asleep in his chair
mother said go ahead and wake him up
but i was afraid
go on, go ahead
so i'd gently tap his shoulder and he'd startle awake
the lesson began...
walter cole smiled and said yes he could be intimidating and opinionated
he had bought a toucan pen and a binder
i made a copy of his receipt so i would know
because i had forgotten his name after the transaction
it eventually came back
memory is a funny thing
walter cole was not my trumpet teacher
he was my eckstein middle school orchestra teacher
i remember shooting spit wads at flute players i thought were cute
but couldn't admit it
mr cole caught me and called me into his office
i was so frightened
he must have noticed 'cause he only gave me a light talking to and let me go
walter cole taught at eckstein for 24 years
walter welke was my first trumpet teacher, but he was getting old
he referred me roy cummings
that was when i had lessons upstairs above music west next door to the crucible
then there was high school
i was also in the roosevelt marching band with waldo king
but i'm not listed in my senior annual
memories...they all come rushing back
in their joyful and discordant notes.

denis streeter     4/18/19

no explanation

baskets meet conclusions
two rulers and a fly
rest are forgone
fostered between pages rotting lines
under scaffolds trays emerge
one daft, the other sly
folding in conclusions
f equals g plus i
leftovers into squares
muffling cries feed passages
letters blend fending form
styles language
shedding leaves into diamonds
horseshoes to shade
tables to supper
shingling tablespoons
a matter of degree
comets confusion
a horse's x y's z
cleaning tables of debris
a chatter of bone hides left field
trombones to silence
happy wasteful under sly
pins drop canvas painting cartoons
an indirect fact fictions
what is this about
corners shedding little larry
cartoons pulling covers
late night conclusions underbathe
saddles quicken late
it's about falters
no bridle or rudder
living in self
creation miff
no explanation

denis streeter   4/14/19