it might be

the testing was all in his head
a series of dashes and dots
he didn't know Morse Code
just disruptive electrical impulses
snapping in his conflicted head

the traps were set there was nowhere to go
so he went forward anyway
bashing through barriers to unknown reefs
he could feels himself drowning but then
it was like he'd been pulled of nowhere

he gasped for air 'cause he'd forgotten to breathe
whatever impulses settling out
when his mind was left behind
it was like a good cry
but it was not therapeutic

it was a temporary escape
a necessary first step
on the way to recovery
how he hated that phrase
some greeting card truth

he left the barriers behind
going beyond his known
he could feel the freedom
he could feel the tug back
some unharnessed power

searching for that mental high
to fend off that low
not really wanting equilibrium
he'd had enough of that
just wanted something satisfying and true

but it was a hard turn
he tried over and over again
realign his true
and there was some wave, perhaps forgiveness
a protective comfort

he knew he'd have the synapses again
but felt better prepared
for the tried times
when air was empty
he could make himself full

and the colors changed from blue and black
to yellow and green
his seasons changing
dissociation rearranging
to begin renew

denis streeter   2/17/16