The Low Life

I've read two stories in the five story collection called "The Low Life" by Canadian writer Brian Doyle.  Seriously it's very funny, poignant, well-written, and reads aloud well.  All these stories have a regional feel as they are set near the Gatineaux River near Low in Quebec.   I've read all these stories years ago and was delighted to see them compiled in one large book.  They stand the test of time.  I read the following excerpt from "Angel Square"(1984) during Monday night poetry, which was well received.  Some background...It is set in 1945, the teacher is "Blue Cheeks",the narrator is Tommy, his best friend is Sammy...whose father got beaten up:

     Blue Cheeks could turn his head right around without moving his
body.  His head would start turning slowly and it would keep turning
and turning until it was facing the other way.  Then it would start back
until it was back almost to the same spot.  He could turn his head left
and right so far that he could cover the whole 360 degrees without
moving his shoulders.  His head must have been on a swivel or some-
thing.
     He would write grammar sentences on the board so that we could
copy them out and then tell him what was wrong with them.
     All the sentences he ever wrote on the board were wrong.
     Some were quite funny but if he heard anybody laughing or
snorting, old Blue Cheeks's head would start coming around, slowly,
slowly.  And we'd all sit there, hypnotized by how far his head could come
round.
     I used to think it would unscrew and tumble right off onto the floor.
     But then, of course, if that happened he could just catch it just before it
hit because his hands hung down there near the floor anyway.
     I was thinking about Sammy's father, so I must have been staring
into the blackboard like I was hynotized.  Dad said later I must
have looked like a cow watching a train go by.
     "You!  What is wrong with this sentence?"
     He was pointing at the sentence he had just written on the board.
     "Read the sentence, please," he said.
     I read it.  "Ralph edged closer as the moose sniffed suspiciously and
snapped the picture," the sentence said.
     "Well?" said Blue Cheeks.
     I looked at the sentence again.
     "Tell us Mr. Daydreams, what is wrong with this sentence."
     "It's something to do with the camera," I said.
     "It's something to do with the camera, is it?"  His head was right
around facing me full-on now and his shoulders were still facing the
blackboard.  It seemed impossible.
     "And the moose," I said, "and something to do with the moose."
     "The moose and the camera," said Blue Cheeks, sarcasm dripping off
his lips like syrup.
     "And Ralph," I said, just to make sure, "there's something wrong
with Ralph too."
     "And what do you suppose it is that is wrong with Ralph?" said Blue
Cheeks.
     "He hasn't got the camera," I said.
     "And who has the camera?"
     "The moose seems to have the camera."
     "And why has the moose got the camera instead of Ralph?"
     "I don't know, sir.  It seems strange, a moose with a camera."
     "Why has the moose got the camera?"
     "Maybe he took it from Ralph?"
     "Why hasn't Ralph got his own camera?"  Blue Cheeks's face was dark
blue now.
     "Maybe it isn't Ralph's camera!" I said, thinking I was on to some-
thing.  "Maybe Ralph hasn't got a camera and the moose has a camera
and Ralph's sneaking up on the moose to steal his camera!"
     "Read the sentence again!"
     "Ralph edged closer as the moose sniffed suspiciously and snapped
the picture."  I almost knew it off by heart now.
     "What is wrong with that sentence?"
     Behind me sat Geranium Mayburger, the dumbest girl in the school.
Geranium loved to whisper answers to people.  Specially people in trouble.
     "Hooves," she whispered behind me.  "A moose can't take a picture
because his hooves are too big for the button."
     "Five seconds," said Blue Cheeks, "or you stay and write lines!"  He
sounded like he was choking.  I was desperate.
     "A moose could never hold a camera properly or snap a picture
because of its large and clumsy hooves." I said, trying to make the best
sentence I could.
     I knew I was doomed, so I sat down.
     Blue Cheeks gurgled, "One hundred lines--'I must learn my gram-
mar!"

page 105-107, "The Low Life:  5 Great Tales from up and down the River", 1999.

Brian Doyle has a wonderful style of writing and has created such characters as Fleurette Featherstone Fitchell, Toe-Jam Laframboise, and Nerves the dog.